BF mommies...Introduce the bottle NOW.

Once upon a time, there was a lactating queen, named Elizabeth. She agreed to babysit the prince (Henry) of a queen (we'll call her Helga) that lived 90 minutes away whilst she attended school. It would be once weekly for 9 hours for 3 moons (maybe? a semester!).

Queen Elizabeth reminded queen Helga to feed prince Henry a bottle 1-2 times/week so he will take one when he is babysat. Helga believed she could do this for one month, then take a 2 month break. Queen Elizabeth knew a baby's  brain is like a grass field. If a path is not traveled, grass groweth over it. If it is traveled regularly, it becomes more solid.

Prince Henry was dropped off for the first time, he was happy and cute for a couple hours. He took a little nap and chilled with toys on the floor. Then he became hungry. Queen Elizabeth warmed duchess Helga's milk (yes, she's been demoted now). Prince Henry refused the bottle. Queen Elizabeth is a lactating heroine with much experience under her belt with more children than her own. She tried a variety of techniques, changed the temperature, changed nipples... took care of Henry's diaper, let him wait... 3 hours of almost constant screaming and protest, she texted duchess Helga, "When is the last time Henry had a bottle?"

The response didn't come soon enough, to save the poor boy more sadness, she did what she would want a woman to do in her position. She acted as a wetnurse and fed him. She was upset because that milk was made for her daughter, this milk was being taken from her daughter and it was a bond she did not intend to share with anyone else. This is when Queen Elizabeth was informed by Helga that Henry was not given one bottle for two months straight, despite Queen Elizabeth's advice.

Henry screamed and cried every week until Elizabeth gave in and nursed him for about 4 weeks. Queen Elizabeth was persistent in trying to get Henry to take a bottle. He gradually showed progress and began taking full feedings from her. (His parents did not try very hard with him at home.)

Henry and the wicked witch - I mean, his mother - Helga, lived struggling ever after. Queen Elizabeth was sad.

The end.
IF YOU WANT TO EVER PLAN ON LEAVING YOUR BREASTFED BABY WITH A CARE PROVIDER AT ANY TIME BEFORE HE OR SHE STARTS EATING BABY FOOD, YOU MUST OFFER THE BOTTLE BEFORE THAT TIME COMES. IF YOUR BABY DOES NOT TAKE IT, KEEP TRYING.

^Read that 50 times if you know your baby is going to need babysat on a regular basis now or in the future while still being breastfed... unless you want to finish your shift/classes/whatever and find out your precious sweet, babe was screaming and crying half the time you were gone.

INTRODUCING THE BOTTLE (Ideal) 
This method is pretty much cut-and-dry for success. I do not explore other options, because this is the best. If you want to experiment and try differently, go for it.
For the first 2-3 weeks, exclusively breastfeed. (If you had solid latching and stellar nursing sessions from the start, waiting for the bottle doesn't matter, but don't start with full feedings... keep reading). This will create a solid foundation for nursing. Do NOT let it go longer than 4 weeks before you introduce a bottle (IDEAL).

At week 3 or 4, you will introduce some pumped milk for only the first portion of the feeding. try to have an idea of your baby's feeding schedule and do this when you know baby should be hungry.
1  Let a friend, daddy or other family member feed the baby 1-2 ounces (no more than 2) with a bottle that has a slow-flow nipple. (Level 1 or 0 depending on the brand.)

2 Burp the baby, then YOU finish the feeding on the breast.

3 Pump afterwards (try to get the # of ounces baby had on the bottle) to save it for next time.

4 Repeat steps 1-3 the next day, then the next. You can allow baby to take a full feeding from the bottle after 4 or 5 times of just the partial feeding.

IMPORTANT TO NOTE
Some babies don't catch on right away, they may dribble with the bottle or struggle latching back on the breast. It is normal, don't panic. Repetition is key, you are making a new pathway of a new feeding method.

Mommy should never be the one feeding such a young baby with the bottle. They operate on familiarity, they suck a bottle differently than a breast. They will be confused trying to associate a new nipple with mommy's scent.

INTRODUCING THE BOTTLE TO AN OLDER BABY
Approach this when you are calm and have all the patience in the world. The older a baby is, the harder it is. Many people just throw their hands in the air, accept their baby will never take a bottle and then either cancel plans for mom to do other things or accept the fact their baby will scream and cry until mom comes back. - That doesn't have to happen. Yeah, baby acts like you are trying to pour boiling water down his throat... it takes patience.

Start with just 1-2 ounces also otherwise you will be wasting milk. You can add more later if baby actually takes it.

Offer the bottle at the beginning of EVERY FEEDING. Have someone other than mommy offer it, and it would be best if she wasn't anywhere nearby.

Keep trying every feeding you can. Things to consider changing or observing when you are in this process:
Temperature of milk, not too hot, not too cold.
FRESH milk... The fresher, the better. If you pump milk and know you will not need it that day, freeze it. If you wait 2 days, then freeze it, you have two degrees of aging. By the time it's warmed, you've reached 3 degrees of aging.
Nipple - if lowest flow isn't working (and you have tried everything else for at least 3 days), switch to higher flow.
Remember milk can sit out for a total of 5 hours. So if it sat out 30 minutes while pumping, 30 minutes while prepping, you have lost an hour. Warming advances the process. Baby may or may not take it with 2 hours of trying. Dump it. Start with new milk.

5 hours room temp, 3 days fridge (this is a mommy's number, not a scientist or doctor... why? smell it! After 2 days, baby is smart, it's not as good). 5 months in a GOOD freezer (not the door). Even longer in a deep freezer. That's it, not a combination of those, pick one. If it sat out for 3 hours, you cannot ALSO keep it in the fridge 3+ days. If it was in the fridge 3 days, you cannot freeze it for 5 months on top of that.

Shaken baby syndrome is real. Take a tired parent, add an inconsolable baby and it doesn't matter HOW nice, law-abiding and loving a parent is. You are tempted to beat that child quiet. No good parent wants to say this. How do babies end up in freezers, microwaves, limbs chopped off, shaken-baby or bruised??? A screaming baby and a care provider without patience. I don't know about you, but if my baby has to scream and cry while we try to get her bottle trained, I want it to be with me. I know my love will prevent me from harming her in frustration and I know my limits. I can walk away.

Do not make your child's care provider go through the HELL I went through (yes it was me if you didn't get that) with your baby. It is bad for the baby and the caregiver. I did not love this boy like my own. I was very angry with my situation.  Not all care providers address this screaming difficult baby in a safe way. GET YOUR BABY BOTTLE TRAINED.

Hot water. (Stress at work)

We all walk around with pouches on our back. These pouches are capable of holding boiling hot water, but they don't protect our bodies from the heat. The boiling water hurts and all we want to do is get rid of it. Sometimes we dump that water on other people because we are only considering ourselves, how hot the water is and how badly we want to get rid of it. Imagine if you were the one minding your own business, walking into your home and you are greeted by a splash of boiling hot water. That wasn't fair! It hurt, dang it. And now you are angry and in pain.

When we have had a day filled with negative events that brought us down, stressed us out, made us angry or depressed... sometimes we allow it to stick around and we empty those negative emotions on those we love the most. Sometimes it makes us feel better, but almost 100% of the time, it makes the other person feel those same negative emotions or WORSE than you did. Now you're both miserable/angry/frustrated, and in your mind, it's not your fault.

I know it's possible, but I have never met ANYONE that says they go to work for fun. Many people do enjoy their job, but the motivation is usually to make a buck. There are days that drag us down, stress us out, make us angry/depressed/tired... It is important to learn the skill of mentally closing doors and opening new ones. People cannot read your mind. Example: A friend or spouse starts complaining to you about having to do an extra 30 minutes of work because of lazy co-workers. You get upset because YOU had a flat tire in 100 degree weather and were stranded with 3 kids for 2 hours. You feel like they had no right to complain to you because your day was worse. Everyone deserves validation. Sometimes all we want is for someone to say, "I'm sorry you had a rough day," and give us a hug.

We have all been guilty of allowing OUR bad day to bring down the people around us. Pointing fingers or assigning whose day was worse is destructive. My advice is to become constructive with how you deal with negative events of the day.

If you cannot share your burdens with the person you love most, what is the purpose in that relationship? Also, if you cannot set aside your negative feelings and greet your loved ones with a kind disposition, then expect a cloudy home with bickering and resentment. Here is what I suggest after a day of negative events/emotions:

1  HAPPILY, LOVINGLY, greet your family when you get home (or when they come home). Exchange a hug/kiss/hello with a smile!
2  Ask how each other's day was and LISTEN. If it is not a good time to talk about it, don't.
3  VALIDATE their frustrations/anger/sadness by acknowledging you heard them and offer sympathy. Express joy or congratulations on the good things too.
4  Communicate what you hope the rest of your evenings consist of. "What do you want to do tonight?"

I'm going to expand on number 4. There are times we just want to be alone to breathe, think and relax. There are times we want to be together, but we want to be lazy and just "veg." There are times we want to be productive and fix or work on a problem. There are times we want to go out somewhere. If you are on the same page with expectations for the evening, you will avoid friction in the following hours. If one of you wants to stay home and do nothing and the other one wants to GET OUT and do something, compromise. Allow the one that wants to stay home to choose what to do that night, BUT set an evening specifically when you both agree to go out like the other one wanted. Do it this way for two reasons: a) If someone wanted to stay home, but you pressure them into going out, how is their attitude? It is usually one that spoils your time out anyway. b) If that evening approaches and you both know you will be going out, you can mentally prepare to muster up the energy and good attitude to make it happen.

Treat others the way you want to be treated. If you have had a peachy day and you get an angry text or an angry greeting from your spouse/friend/whatever... it makes you upset. Don't text/call/greet other people with a negative issue that can wait and chill your attitude so you are not being angry towards them. My family isn't perfect, but I know communication and a happy greeting go a LOOOONG way.

Men, I'll tell you now, every woman wants a hug and a kiss when you get home/she gets home. She would also looove it if you take care of the kids/wash dishes/etc without being asked.
Women, men like praise, appreciation and sometimes a nice backrub.

Both of you give, both of you receive. Thanks for reading!

Me in a diaper bag

This is a blog where parents come to me with questions or advice. Like an, "Ask Amy," format. I can't answer everyone's questions, but I will address issues that I feel I can REALLY help with and those that are most commonly asked about.

ABOUT ME
I grew up in a family of 7. I was the youngest after two brothers and two sisters. My 2nd brother died at age 11 of a brain tumor. This experience opened my eyes not only to death but to what it means to have an eternal perspective. I truly do my best to live without regrets.

I was always an observer. I learned how to learn, lie, be honest, teach, listen and speak simply by observing those around me. I'm a good studier of people! I have made a lot of mistakes I am not proud of, but I will readily share them if they are applicable to help someone else.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, also known as a "mormon." I am not here to preach the gospel, but my beliefs do have a positive influence on my perspective. I respect people no matter what your beliefs are. When it comes to judging, it is simply to decide if a person or thing belongs in mine or my children's life or not. When it comes to standards, I don't hold you to mine, but you better believe I hold you to YOURS.

I have been married a decade this August. I consider those 10 years to be in two separate pieces. Before and after we were split for 6 months. A REAL separation, my husband was in New York and I was in Utah, living on my own. I know what abuse is like. I know what disrespecting your spouse is, I know I am guilty to a certain extent just as much as that guy was. "That guy" is not the same man I am currently married to. Yes, my husband has the same body, but he is now a man better than I could have dreamed up myself. I use our trials, downfalls and triumphs when I give relationship advice to friends and family. Anyone that has actually taken that advice has seen fruit from it.

I have had 5 children with 5 very different birth experiences. I have experienced labor with and without pitocin, with and without an epidural. I have experienced two c-sections, one that resulted in a T incision and one that almost lead to the removal of my uterus. I have had planned pregnancies and surprises. I have had a miscarriage at 14 weeks and 6 weeks. I have had severe pre-eclampsia for one pregnancy, gestational diabetes for one pregnancy, extreme nausea for 3 pregnancies, 2 healthy pregnancies. I have had two babies in the NICU. I have nursed 4 children for 12 months or more and am currently nursing baby number 5 with the intention of nursing until her due date (she was 6 weeks early, her older siblings got kicked off on their birthdays).

I was a working mom for almost eight years and a stay-at-home mom for 2 years. I get both sides and understand pros and cons of both!

You will see I use the word I A LOT. It sounds like I'm pretty full of myself with a gigantic ego. Let me help you right now by suggesting you understand who I am. Once you understand me, you'll be able to get the tone of this blog. I give advice purely from my own experience and research. When I give advice, I usually add, "my experience is," "I have tried," "I usually do," "I have read," "I have learned..." This doesn't mean I am all knowing or that what I say is the only truth or 100% fact. I know what I know and that's the best I can do. I don't get offended if you choose to not take it.  I do know what I am talking about because if I don't already know it, I research it. If I don't find answers that fit as nicely as I hoped, I say so.

I love EVERYONE. Nursing moms, formula moms, protesters, observers, Amish, Athiest, space cases, PHDs (yep, I'm calling people PHDs because they deserve it). If I hurt someone, I do everything in my power to try to make it right. I still say things plainly though, not with the intention of hurting but to be constructive.

I respect medical professionals and am sooo grateful for medicine! I also respect my body, time and natural resources. There is a balance between letting your body work it out, using natural remedies and seeing a doctor.

So there ya go... I could go on, but you get the idea. When it comes to people, relationships, birth, breastfeeding and parenting - I have a lot of experience packed into 28 years. I am passionate about two things - research and helping others. Frankly, I need this blog to simply have all my tips and advice in one place because I'm tired of repeating the same thing ten times!!!

SEND YOUR QUESTION to AskAmyloo@gmail.com
Thank you for reading!